Poetry: Random Ramblings of a Recently Reassembled Mind

Drill a hole into the top of your head;
Attach a light fixture so it always looks like you have a bright idea,
Look out! There’s a monster behind you,
Playing blackjack with the dinner table, dealer busts,
Open like a piñata hit with a wrecking ball.
You kicked me out of bed last night.
The trees sway in the wind to car stereo music, it looks like rock;
I think one of them has a lighter.
Bonjour mademoiselle, we are ready to seat you,
The barstool limps, from uneven legs, over to you,
Are you interested yet?
Here, I’ve brought you a gift wrapped in…
Have you heard a nursery rhyme lately?
…children’s letters to Santa.
You shove your face into the pillow like you’re at a pie eating contest;
It’s blueberry…I hate blueberry.
And all the while the cardboard donkey pours its rich in fat blood all over the grass,
While children clamor like adults at the stock exchange.
Raise one eyebrow so you look like an old man with a monocle.
Take this paper and crunch it into a ball.
Shove it in your ear so you know what a bad poem sounds like.
The lion cocks his rifle, taking aim for the antelope.
They always kick and shout like children throwing tantrums.
Set your alarm, I count seconds like it’s New Years Eve.
I trip and fall on the road like it’s paved with steel ball bearings.
Or banana peels, how comical.
I feel confined, like I’m always in a straightjacket;
Give me one second while I gulp down this dose of sanity.
The dog hides under the table like there’s a storm coming,
Stupid dog, it’s only for me.

Top 5 Situations Where Doing Nothing Will Actually Benefit You

We all know there are certain situations in life that call for us to take action; these aren't those moments.

1. Bank Robbery - This would seem like something I wouldn't have to mention but you'd be surprised. Knowing when to stand down and stand up can save your life; but if you absolutely must tackle someone, at least make sure they're wielding something like sledgehammers instead of automatic weapons. Also, if you plan to rob a bank, maybe don't use a sledgehammer. Sure they're great for those jobs where a regular hammer just won't cut it, but bank robberies aren't really their specialty. Also, they can be easily negated by simple everyday things, you know like staying five feet out of their range.

2. Bear Attack - Apparently bears are capable of feeling and bestowing honor upon each other as they refuse to kill an already dead meal. Why this is, no one really knows. Of course it really only works for grizzly bears, not black bears, who are the cowards of nature. You'll have people tell you to play dead or to fight back. It all depends on the day really and you need to ask yourself, "Am I feeling lucky?" I can answer for you. "No, you most certainly are not." You see, when an animal stands close to ten feet on its hind legs and weighs in at around 1,000 lbs, you better do nothing quick. It's a little hard to fight a living, breathing tank. Oh did I mention they can reach speeds up to 40 mph. Oh and just one more minor thing; they have incredibly sharp claws and teeth, and they're powerful as hell.

Not Shown: You. Dead.

3. Sucked Into A Tornado - When Mother Nature gets angry, there's really not much you can do to calm her down except let her vent. Sometimes the venting is in the form of a few harmless claps of thunder and sometimes it's in the deadly form of a raging tornado. It doesn't matter who you are; if a tornado wants to suck you up, there's nothing you can do about it. Sure you could struggle in the air and flail about, but what will that do besides make you look like a puppet being controlled by some vengeful god in the sky? Matt Suter, a 19 year old from Missouri, was picked up in an F2 (113 mph to 157 mph) tornado that carried him 1,307 feet before deciding it had had its fun and dropped him to the ground. The thing that saved his life was that he was unconscious. Being unconscious allowed his body to distribute the shock evenly across his body, through his muscles and bones. So unless you're a trained stuntman or know how to fall properly, just relax and let gravity take the controls.

4. Held Hostage - This sort of correlates to the bank robbery situation as they are usually tied together, but this deserves its own explanation. When men with guns want money instead of you, there's not too much reason to be worried if they get it. They're happy they got the money, you're happy you're alive, and thus the circle of life goes on. But when the men with guns need you as their get out of jail free card, well, then things are considerably different. Again, the best course of action is literally lying down and doing nothing; fake unconsciousness or death. It's hard to scare or threaten someone who is unconscious or dead, so they'll just give up on you and move to the next person.

Faking unconsciousness or death gives you time to think about an escape plan without being hassled or threatened by the people holding you hostage. Of course, unless you're Jack Bauer or the real life equivalent of him, I'd just try my best to fake unconsciousness or death because in the end, an unconscious hostage is almost as useless as a dead one and a dead one is completely useless. They can't cooperate, they can't be threatened, and they can't be scared. They certainly cannot be offered up as a bargaining chip as they may be assumed dead by the police. It is unlikely an unconscious hostage will be shot, but then again you never know. Your chances of survival certainly go up as compared to attacking one of the hostage holders or just sitting there obviously wide awake and trembling. If there's no fear to be exploited, the hostage holders have nothing to play on and they get more and more scared, which means more and more mistakes are made by them; this ultimately equals a better survival chance for you.

5. Falling Asleep - This may seem obvious, but for millions of people worldwide who have trouble sleeping, it isn't. An hour or two before you plan on going to bed do not eat, watch TV, work out, or go on the computer. You must relax and let your body and mind start shutting down. Keeping your mind or body stimulated right up to the point of sleep is like taking an energy pill and then trying to go to bed; it just won't happen unless your body is naturally used to this. Tossing and turning in bed to find a comfortable position is actually self-defeating. The more you move and the more frustarted you get, the more awake you will become. It is best to lay in your favorite position right when you get into bed and let your mind think about nothing. When I want to think of nothing, I recall the moment right before I fall asleep where your mind is clear and I try to imitate that; it usually works.

So next time you feel you need to take action, think about it and decide whether doing nothing would be a better option. You'd be surprised at what doing nothing can do for you.

Sincerely,
The Guy Blogging

P.S. - Is there a situation where you did nothing and it benefited you?